One of the most beloved basketball films of all time is Space Jam. Michael Jordan teams up with the famous Looney Tunes to face off against the Monstars to keep Bugs Bunny safe. MJ faces aliens who have stolen the powers of other basketball stars like Charles Barkley and Patrick Ewing to become basketball behemoths with athletic capabilities far greater than the average NBA player.
What if this film was a prediction for things to come, that man was not alone in the universe? What if aliens, inspired by Space Jam came to Earth looking to destroy us and the only way to beat them back was a game of basketball, 5 on 5 for the survival of humanity? Who would we choose for the preservation of our planet? Well, I’m gonna have a go at choosing.
N.B. Since the game for the Earth is played aliens I’m going to be choosing players who are the most alien like in their play, as in how unique they are.
Point Guard - Steph Curry
The greatest shooter to have ever lived, Curry is an obvious choice here. His ability to hit a shot from anywhere past the halfway line would have the aliens totally bamboozled as to how to guard him.
His shot combined with his incredible handle and very good finishing ability would leave the aliens speechless and provide us with some tasty highlights to watch as well. His defense is lacking, but with what he brings on offense is remarkable.
Let’s see the extraterrestrials deal with a dose of Chef Curry.
Shooting Guard - LeBron James
LeBron... at shooting guard? A somewhat peculiar choice you might think since shooting is definitely LeBron’s weakest attribute. However LeBron isn’t exactly a terrible marksman, and it’s everything else he brings to the table that we should focus on.
The power, the speed, the size, the agility, LeBron’s physique is just remarkable. He easily has the quickness to guard a 2-guard and has the size and strength to guard everyone else. Oh, and his best attribute? Passing. LeBron would make sure that everyone was involved for this fight for survival. Basketball is a team game, the best team usually wins. LeBron is the best team player in the world.
Small Forward - Kevin Durant
This list is all about the freaks in the NBA. The players that even amongst the best in the world stand out due to their abnormal attributes. Kevin Durant is such a player. Standing 6 foot 10 with a wingspan of 7 foot 5, he can dribble, finish from both hands and is one of the biggest mismatch makers in NBA history.
KD could pull up at the end of every shot clock and it would still be a great shot to take. His release is so high and so quick that guards have no chance of reaching it and bigs are just too slow.
Despite being slender in stature Durant also holds his own on defense, mainly due to his wingspan and quickness. The alien invaders would have serious trouble keeping up with the Durantula, a player who is also known for coming up big in close games. If this game was close down the stretch, I’d want the ball is Durant’s hand as much as possible to send these Martians back to where they belong.
Power Forward - Giannis Antetokounmpo
When you’re nickname is the Greek Freak then it’s likely that you stand out. Giannis does just this and then some. Now standing at a reported 6 foot 11 with a 7 foot 3 inch wingspan his body is just….well freakish. He’s so long that Gods themselves would struggle to deal with him.
Giannis, like Durant, has a handle that belies his size, something that the aliens would have a massive issue with. His stride is so long that it only takes him 4 steps from the halfway line to dunk the ball.
To beat these non-human invaders of our world, we need the most non-human among us to play this one game for our survival, and Giannis is the epitome of this.
Center - Anthony Davis
The last guardian of our planet is The Brow himself, Mr. Anthony Davis. This Kentucky product against fits the mold of length, length and more length. Standing 6 foot 10 with a near 7 foot 6 wingspan, Davis would smash these space invaders out the sky with his unparalleled shot-blocking capability.
Davis also boasts an incredible touch around the rim and a lightning quick first-step for someone a foot taller than the average man. I feel confident that his skillset is exactly what the human race needs to survive this potentially cataclysmic game.
There you go Aliens, this is our squad. Who you got?