Udonis Haslem, the Miami Heat legend, recently shared a hilarious and slightly terrifying story about his experience with Portland’s nightlife on The OG’s Podcast. Known for his no-nonsense attitude both on and off the court, Haslem did not mince words when he described the unforgettable night he and former teammate Goran Dragic ventured into a Portland strip club.
“What the f*** he was rushing him to get to Portland for? I have been there. I have seen your out life. I have seen your nightlife. Ain’t a f***ing thing going on where you had to rush that man from New York to get to see that s***?”
“I call myself trying to go out to grab a drink with Goran Dragic one time in Portland. That’s the scariest s*** I’ve ever seen. Like from X-Files. You think you finna stop and get a drink? You in for some from walking dead.”
“I’m like, hold on man. Everybody can’t look like this. Everybody can’t look like this. What’s going on? I’m just telling you what I seen. I ain’t making this up. You see he ain’t stopped me yet. It was no strip clubs, I tell you that.”
“You pay them to keep that shit on. I’m just saying. Yeah, you know what? Here come the extra dollars I got. Just put that back on. Don’t even worry about it. I’m cool. I’m from Miami. I wasn’t using that. I was like, hold on.”
“Listen, y’all need to come down to Miami and get a workshop. They need to come down to Miami and get a workshop because you doing it the wrong way. You can ask Goran. Goran said the same. And he from Slovenia. Y’all couldn’t even get a Slovenian in the site.”
Haslem made it clear from the start that he was not impressed with what the city had to offer in terms of entertainment. Haslem humorously suggested that Portland was far from the vibrant nightlife scene he was used to in Miami. Haslem went on to describe the night in a way that was both amusing and alarming, comparing the scene to something out of a horror movie.
The Miami native, accustomed to the glamorous and fast-paced nightlife of South Beach, was shocked by what he found in Portland. He vividly described the patrons of the establishment as looking like they had just stepped off the set of The Walking Dead.
Haslem’s story had both his co-hosts and listeners in stitches, but the underlying message was clear—Portland’s nightlife was not for him. Even though the night didn’t turn out as planned, Haslem’s storytelling and candid reflections offered a lighthearted take on his less-than-glamorous experience in the Rose City.
Ultimately, Udonis Haslem’s comparison of Portland’s nightlife to a horror movie and his quick decision to leave with Dragic proved that while he may love an occasional night out, Portland is not where he’ll be spending his off nights in the future.
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